Special Snowflake Med Applicant Claims He Doesn’t Even Know How Much Doctors Earn

Hundreds of hopeful high-school leavers have spent the past few weeks practising how to sound like they haven’t practised for their upcoming interviews at medical schools around the country. For many, this is their big chance to pursue their dream salary career in medicine.

It is under these pressures that many interviewees have devised an optimal ‘med-interviewee persona’ under careful tutelage of successful candidates now studying the revered degree. One of these nervous interviewees includes Jake Clippon, a recent high-school graduate that The Jugular has contacted ahead of his big interview at the UNSW Faculty of Medicine.

“I just want to help people,” Clippon informed us before we even had a chance to ask him his name. He barged on; “Really, that’s all it is. It may sound silly, I know, but I just love helping people. I dream about it. Helping people. All the time. I even volunteered at an aged care home. I went on a trip to India once too. Changed my entire life, seeing how other people live. And you know, empathy and compassion, I live and breathe that stuff. Altruism, charity, humanitarianism etc. Yeah, love it.”

When asked how he feels about the amount of money doctors are paid, Clippon was quick to assert, “I have no idea how much money doctors make. It never really occurred to me to check. It’s not about money for me, I couldn’t care less.”

A member of our team reminded him that he mentioned his mother and grandparents were all doctors, suggesting it was odd he had no idea of their financial status. Clippon made no comment on this, merely shrugging and laughing.

Clippon was holding a brand-new copy of A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens throughout the interview. He later explained that he had just purchased it, having been alarmed by reports that interviewers often ask the question, “What was the last book you read?”.

“I haven’t read a full book since I was 12, unless you count Spark Notes study guides. Otherwise my answer would be Deltora Quest and I hardly think that would sit well.” He admitted to not yet having started the Dickens novel either. Though, worse comes to worst, there’s always Wikipedia.

 

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