Note: The Jugular strictly does not condone risky drinking behaviour in any way.

Last Friday, Jugular reporters spoke to Holt Mahdrink ahead of MedBall. In preparation for the second scenario of Health Maintenance B, Mahdrink revealed that he had single-handedly discovered the greatest impetus (in his opinion) to drink on a more regular basis. The rationale? To enhance his ability to empathise with patients struck by the cruel hand of alcoholism.

“How can I show my patients the empathy they deserve if I don’t truly understand the struggles they are facing?”, the Phase 1 student reasoned. Mahdrink outlined his strategy to drink 3 schooners each night before bed, and for big events such as MedBall, 5 or more standards. Amongst the reasons Mahdrink listed for making the change, little perks such as weight loss, better sleep, keeping warm during the midwinter chill and performing better in the HMB EOC exam were all quoted.

Mahdrink assured reporters that the best way to recall alcohol metabolism for a short answer question was to close your eyes and remember what it feels like to get a “mad hangover, bro”.

Concerned reporters reached out to Mahdrink’s friends, hoping to assess their stance on his controversial approach to EOC preparation. “Look, we support our friends no matter what they choose to do with their livers. On the plus side, it’ll be great to practice our motivational interviewing before OSCEs. At the moment, he’s in the Precontemplation Stage. Once he starts exploring alternatives… that’s when we’ll bring up the pros and cons.” 

Speaking of his plans for the next five weeks, Mahdrink detailed a scheme to enrol in an alcohol rehabilitation program where he hoped to build on his knowledge of alcohol-related diseases, giving him an extra invaluable talking point for the reflective practitioner grad cap in his Phase 1 portfolio. 

Mahdrink was last seen, regrettably, at MedBall breaking it down on the dancefloor, before emptying his stomach contents in a dark corner of the boys’ bathroom. It remains to be seen whether his drinking strategy worked; the Jugular’s attempts to contact Mahdrink over the weekend were unsuccessful, and he was strangely absent from Monday’s Alcohol Plenary.

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