A second-year student and prospective orthopaedic surgeon has maintained that any time spent in theatre is time well spent, coolly deflecting his sceptics.

“It’s a great opportunity to be in theatre with Dr Jones,” the young man said, adjusting his glasses and wiping his forehead. “He’s held in very high regard within the orthopaedics community. Every time I watch him perform a knee replacement, I learn a lot.”

“My mates are in a tute on Pulmonary Embolism at the moment. What a waste of time, I’d much rather be here,” he said. He has also been seen to correct his peers’ peripheral neurological exam technique by stating that “most of that stuff is a waste of time” and “you can demonstrate motor with three simple hand movements”.

The student has yet watch any other procedures but was seen discussing rugby union and liberally dissing medical specialties with a large group of men in the hospital cafeteria. Upon questioning, he admitted to never having watched rugby union but had rote-learnt the gist of it for networking purposes. “I told them my favourite player was Pat Cummins.” When asked what the Australian fast bowler had to do with rugby union he appeared quite literally stumped. It appears he meant Nick ‘Honey Badger’ Cummins, who our female reporters inform us is the next Bachelor.

“I’ve wanted to do ortho since day one,” the student proclaimed before announcing that he was off in to spend the afternoon in theatres. As he left, we noted his brand new RM’s. Sources report he purchased the boots at great personal expense because they make getting changed into scrubs easier.

Dr Jones reports he was unaware that there was a student in his theatre last Tuesday.

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