UNSW medical student, Judy Kim, reported a week-long history with symptoms of pale skin, light sensitivity, constant fatigue and long hours spent incessantly studying at night. Lab investigations revealed a serious Vitamin D deficiency. The Jugular obtained an exclusive interview with Judy in her study room to determine how she was coping with the diagnosis.

‘I know, I was so relieved!” reported Judy. “I get it four times a year, right before EOC exams and I always seem to do really well. I think it’s my good luck charm.’

Upon further questioning, Judy admitted she had not been out of her study room for a week. The only source of light our team could identify in the room was a small IKEA lamp on her desk.

Judy proceeded to give our reporters an exclusive tour of her room, revealing items like a week’s worth of instant noodles and a number of empty plastic bottles containing non-descript yellow liquid.

When probed about how her friends had responded to her diagnosis, Judy claimed they had been “jealous and intimidated”. We followed up with one of her peers to confirm.

Joe, a medical student living in her college, said he wished he could have “the same symptoms in time for the next EOC.”

“Everyone knows Judy is a HD GOAT,” he explained. Other medical students standing nearby nodded in agreement. “Lord knows I can’t afford to fail. And if getting a vitamin D deficiency is what it takes to pass, well then, goodbye sun, hello osteoporosis.’

Leave a Reply