Some of the members of The Jugular were doing their rounds when they decided to drop into the St Vincent’s hospital common room for a bit of lunch. They reported seeing a group of med students huddling around a coffee table, excitedly whispering amongst themselves. One of them, John, was especially excited over a recent encounter that he’d had with an intern.

“Dude, I’m telling you, I had a real connection with her – she even asked me to smell a patient’s upper GIT block! She may have well just asked me to marry her because I know what that really meant,” John assured his peers. Despite this apparent connection, John was unable to recall her name.

Some of his more dubious friends were heard suggesting this was ‘just another crush’, to which John indignantly retaliated, “She’s different from Emma, Jess, Isabella, Mia and Olivia – Trust me, she’s the one!”

When asked how he planned to act on the situation, John seemed quite self-assured: “Well, first, I’m going to be doing a lot more extra rounds on the GIT ward… because, ah, it’s really a deep interest of mine… and then, when I finally graduate and become an intern, I’ll profess my love between ward rounds.”

Unfortunately for John, hospitals nowadays don’t run like the steamy wards in The House of God.

Meanwhile, some of the girls in the group were heard discussing their newfound interest in geriatrics, commenting on “its viable career pathways and rewarding work.”

When a member of The Jugular was later taken on a tour of the geriatric ward, they were surprised to see an extraordinarily large number of young, 6 foot 2, male interns with designer stubble, suggesting that perhaps it wasn’t just the ‘rewarding work’ that made this ward so popular.

One has to wonder where all these eligible interns come from, since there seems to be little evidence of med students of their calibre. Perhaps it is a stable income and clinical competency that is the crucial missing factor.

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