Welcome to the very first edition of The Jugular’s brand new advice segment, “Heart to Heart”! This isn’t just any run-of-the-mill advice column; here you’ll find advice and answers that have been expertly tailored for the bustling lives of us meddies.
From your responses so far, it seems like love is in the air this season. Unfortunately, some of your lab results seem to be showing raised levels of IgE. But do not despair, for we’ve got some top-notch words that’ll work better than any antihistamine!
I can’t seem to find a boyfriend! Am I just cursed for life?? :((
Well, unless you somehow pissed off a witch in the past, I’d say your life is looking relatively curse-free. Jokes aside, it’s really normal to feel like you’re falling behind when it feels like almost everyone around you has found someone else. You may have been the classic “I’ll meet someone in uni” kid back in high school. In my opinion, getting into a relationship isn’t the hard part for most people. Finding a relationship that’s worth working for is the real challenge. EVERYONE, especially you – deserves somebody to share your life with.
That being said, you can’t expect a put-together gentleman to stroll up on your doorstep with a bow on his head and bubble tea in his hand. You’re gonna have to go outside, and talk to new people *shudder*. Quite fortunately for you, UNSW is an environment bursting with student life and there are practically limitless clubs and societies within and outside of medicine. Try out one that interests you! It’s honestly really refreshing to explore life outside of the classroom, and there’s so much to gain from that. At the very least, you’ll walk away with meaningful hobbies and/or new friends (and those are pretty good too!)
Also, this might feel like a slap in the face but sometimes the problem CAN be you. Give yourself an honest introspection about how you treat everyone around you. Do you exude warmth and kindness? Is it possible you make others feel neglected, uncomfortable or upset without meaning to? If you can’t seem to be honest with yourself (because we all have fragile egos to protect), often a close friend can tell you their perspective on the impressions you leave on people. But don’t feel discouraged if you do realise some major issues that you didn’t know you had; acknowledging that you HAVE flaws that you want to change is already half the job done, the rest is about actually working towards becoming the best version of yourself.
Lastly, relationships are great but there’s no point in getting so hung up about being single that you forget to live for yourself too. In fact, you can barely call that living. Take the time to do the things you want! Meet new people, travel, read, learn, grow. Focus on you and YOUR personal growth. Often, that special someone will walk into your life when you’re least expecting it (and if they don’t, there’s always Tinder!).
In a friends with benefits relationship but I’ve accidentally caught some feelings – send help!
It seems like you’ve reached a crossroads in this relationship! This calls for an incoming introspection time: really dig deep within yourself and find out what you really want (gonna have to get real intimate with yourself and no, I don’t mean it like that). If you still feel quite lost, reaching out to someone that you trust and sharing what you’re going through (even if it is embarrassing) might be a good idea. Even if they don’t necessarily offer any advice of significance, holding yourself accountable and explaining your situation to someone who is uninvolved will allow you to reflect on what’s going on, and gain some new insights in the process. It’s perfectly normal if this takes a while; a right decision is better than a quick one.
Be gentle with yourself and don’t hide the way you truly feel. However, you should dissect the nature of those feelings before acting upon them. What attracts you about that person? Is it their mind and/or their body? Does he/she make you happy and fulfilled? Now, it’s time to decide. If you want something more than just friends with benefits, then you’re gonna have to communicate this to the person. And if not, it might be best to take a break from things until you’re back in the right frame of mind. Obviously, neither of these things are very easy to do, but relationships never really are. Perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is that once you know what path to take, don’t waste too much time just standing around. Carpe diem!
I’m dating someone but I’m starting to like this other guy. What to do?
First off, please don’t blame yourself for catching feelings; that’s completely out of your control. What you can control is how you go about addressing the situation. Like most problems in life, the only way to start is by *surprise surprise* figuring out what you want. Really break down how you would feel about all possible outcomes and try to grasp what truly matters to you.
If you’re still invested in your current partner, think about what might be causing these other confusing feelings. Do you feel distant/alienated from your partner? Are you no longer compatible? Is your relationship salvageable, and if so, how can you bring the spark back? If you cannot let go of your feelings for this other guy, you have to let your partner know. Waiting will only make matters worse because the truth will sneakily start to eat you away. Explain that you have started developing feelings for someone else, but you’re not willing to throw away your relationship for that. Figure out how to approach the issue as a couple. And remember, healthy relationships are built on honesty and trust.
On the other hand, if you’re not happy and your relationship is beyond repair, then you need to end things as soon as possible and go get yourself the man you feel you deserve! There’s never really a good time for break-ups. In general, people are pretty good at picking up when things aren’t quite right. You may no longer be interested in him/her as a partner, but as any decent person, you should do the right thing (don’t cop out, you know exactly what I mean). If you can walk out of it with a clear conscience, then I think you’ve done the best you can. I know it’s daunting to just drop everything you’re familiar with and go for something that may or may not work out but it’s a risk worth taking for your own happiness! You’d still be better off either way! If love wasn’t about taking chances, then how would we ever possibly know what could have been?
That’s all for now, folks! BUT if you have any questions, queries or concerns and you want a little outside opinion, you are more than welcome to ask us anytime at https://docs.google.com/…/1FAIpQLSdb-qXhwWL…/viewform