By Thy Pham, Edited by Katerina Theocharous

The Jugular is honoured to EXCLUSIVELY present this first look at HEART BEEN BROKE, a world-class blog produced throughout this quarantine period by one of our very own first-year students. Nevah Lone talks us through her heartbreaking journey to find love via UNSW Love Letters. Extracts available below.

Day 53 in iso. My DMs are drier than the Sahara and I’ve begun to lose hope of ever acquiring companionship. I’ve signed up for a TikTok account and No Neck Ed is starting to look quite dashing. As I scroll through my Facebook timeline and heart react yet another love letter, I’ve realised that I’ve reached a milestone. 50 love letters.

I’ve also received no DMs. 

After this shocking realisation, I take this moment to reflect on my life. 

From my birth into the world, I knew I was destined for something great. I came into the world crying, screaming, and wailing for undying reverence and affection – quite like what I do now. Yet the burden of my struggle is growing heavy and worn. As I stare at my reflection, a single teardrop escapes out the chasm of my right eye and slides down, medial to my eyes, landing at the alar crease of my nose. 

I post to my snap story. 

However, even in the depths of my anguish, I know that I can overcome this. I came into the world crying, screaming, wailing, and fighting. With my self-directed learning style and developing skill as a reflective practitioner, I will find a way to conquer UNSW Love Letters. Just as soon as I respond to all these streaks.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “be the change you wish to see in the world.”

In the same vein, The Weeknd said, “if it hurts to breathe, open a window.”

So I’ve decided to open a window, to take things into my own hands and enlist the help of my most trusted disciples to accomplish the impossible: writing the perfect auction love letter. 

After exhaustive research, these were our findings:

This report aims to identify common characteristics in successful auction love letters. Methods utilised included scrolling through all love letter Facebook pages (UNSW, USYD, WSU). Results show a trend – the number of reacts to love letters are directly proportional to several keywords: 

wholesome
lg
18
alive and breathing
asian
6 ft +
fun-sized
simp 

With those in mind, we got to work drafting, perfecting each word until it is immaculate.

And after sleepless days and sleepless nights, we’ve finally done it. 

We press the submit button.

pros
WHoLeSoMe lg 😍
18 so she legal 
<30 atar so you know she a mystery 
3 feet 6 inches 
underpaid marker at 2 tutoring colleges so she got that dosh 🤑💸💲😜
asian
rice purity 110 😇😇
gyms so she got that gluteus maximus 😏😩🤗
down for 3am calls and dnms 

cons
on her Ls 🤮
band 3 in naplan 

looking for:
18-110 age is just a number 😤
6ft+ 🦒
respiring and non-necrotic 😍
asian 🎌🀄
someone to tutor my brother for selective

Day 56. There are 29 reacts on my post, all of them laughs. 3 comments: 2 nonsensical tags and 1 comment from Eric Tuy. “I may not be 6 ft but whats your ig 👀”  

I bask in my newfound fame. Truly, hard work pays off. But there’s one thing still missing. And as I sit there, waiting for it, it finally appears to me. The ping of a notification. 

There are now 30 reacts on my post: 29 laughs, and 1 heart.

This immediately triggers an episode of arrhythmia, palms sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy. TWICE’s What is Love? plays in my head. Truly, this is it. I move my shaking finger to the heart and press on it, waiting expectantly for the name to appear. 

Ai Lone. 

It’s my brother.

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