“UNSW’s medical students have returned from the break with uncharacteristically high spirits. MedFac has not yet isolated the causative agent, but they are very anxious to put a stop to it.”
“In preparation for the second scenario of Health Maintenance B, Mahdrink revealed that he had single-handedly discovered the greatest impetus (in his opinion*) to drink on a more regular basis. The rationale? To enhance his ability to empathise with patients struck by the cruel hand of alcoholism.”
“Every eight weeks, a remarkable transformation takes over the Medicine cohort. Formerly confident, well-rounded individuals seem to regress, forgetting their basic communicative and social skills. Many become capable of only reciting phrases inscribed on Anki cards, reportedly sourced from an entity known as the ‘Anki King’.”
“It’s not that clear cut though. Have you seen my CV? It’s simply glorious. Magnificent. Two-time Olympic gold medallist. CEO of my own billion-dollar start-up. And 2000 hours of volunteering to boot. What’s not to love?
Yet against all odds, I’m sitting out here, a diamond in the rough. I’ve got no idea what went wrong with the selection process.”
“I mean, I figured that because I never gave them my bank details I wouldn’t get roped into anything too bad. I only gave them my name, address, date of birth, signature, driver’s license number, fingerprints and a mouth swab – you know, the usual. It’s not much to hand over when you’re given something sick in exchange. Look at it, it’s glass!”