By Brian Feng

Enjoy listening to this while you read:

Song: Crush – Digital Lover

I wake up 
And stare at the ceiling,
Phone alarm beeping,
I feel tired.
Don’t feel like doing anything.
I lay in bed,
In its warm embrace
As I scroll through TikToks.

Swipe,
Laugh,
Comment,
Smile,
Double tap for a heart.
I forward them to my friends
Hoping they will laugh too.

Earphones in,
Rain dripping,
A breeze blowing –
I become a latex balloon
Weightless with helium,
And only my chair anchors me to the ground
Stopping me from drifting away.

Watching Netflix,
Red and black frays my string
And I become untethered  
Floating up
And up
Into the stratosphere
And into space.

Dinner time with friends –
Laughter, Stories, Chicken, Music, Drinks.
What is she thinking?
What is he thinking?
What should I say?
We are all stars in space
Billions of us resting together,
But light years of blackness separate us.
When will my light reach others?
When will theirs reach me?

I just want to go home
But in the shower
With each droplet that rains down on me,
I am driven deeper into the quicksand.
Maybe it’s just the hormones.

You should go meet up with your friends more,
You should go and make new friends,
There’s a lot of people out there –
Find a hobby 
Find your passion
Exercise
Work
Love yourself.

I spend my time on that
And I feel good.
Tired,
But good –
A feeling that makes me smile.

But sometimes a black hole opens,
No matter how much I put into it,
It doesn’t fill.
I’m sucked into it
And I vanish again.

Sometimes I hate it.
Sometimes I let it be.

If you feel lonely sometimes,
Just know that 
I feel lonely sometimes too.
I don’t know why either
But I guess we’re in it together.

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