Article Submission Rates to The Jugular Mysteriously Plummet a Week Before Exams

In news of yet another industry that millennials may be killing, student-run media sites find themselves scraping the bottom of the ideas bowl a week out from uni exams. In an open display of desperation, yesterday The Jugular was forced to post a call-out for articles as student submissions reach nigh non-existent levels in the fortnight leading up to UNSW Medicine’s exam week.

“Usually we get one or two a week,” reported one of the Editors-In-Chief, dark circles under her eyes betraying the extent of her current plight. “Usually from a few kids who think they’ve got a funny bone, trying to live up to J.K. Lolling. But lately our inbox is just empty. At this point, I’d consider publishing anything, even another goddamn embryology joke.”

In the telling Tuesday night post, a member from The Jugular team attempted to lasso in submissions by pandering with tired Shakespeare quips and transparent claims such as “our editors are happy to give feedback” and “we love all our readers and writers immensely!” One of the Co-Editors-In-Chief wished to clarify this statement.

“We do love most of our readers. Just not the ones who like all of our posts but refuse to like our frickin facebook page. Looking at you John. I know you saw my invite to like it. We went to high school together, man. Come on.”

All in all, it seems that tempting opportunities for productive procrastination and offering a much needed creative outlet to science-saturated nerds is just not enough to revive a slow news week. The team is wondering if perhaps they should branch into podcasts and record an episode to help with antibiotics memorisation. Amidst this extra-curricular crisis, one of the Editors-In-Chief unfortunately failed to remember that she too has exams next week. Best wishes to all in her shoes. 1 like = 1 prayer.

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